where can i possibly begin? i got to site two weeks ago tomorrow and it's been a roller coaster two weeks. the first week or so was incredibly overwhelming and incredibly up and down... a lot of feeling like i have no idea what i'm doing here or what exactly i have to offer a community so different from anything i've ever known. on wednesday i went to a meeting at the school near my house which was all in bemba and which i left thinking "i will never understand this language..." and, that possibly, if there was anything specific that i would get out of this experience, it would be that i should live near my family and the people i love in the future.
but, then sometime around friday last week something clicked a bit. there are a couple women near me who are becoming friends and who stop by just to say hello or sweet dreams. i've been to a couple people's houses for nshima and some of my other neighbors have brought by other food. i have two kittens, rex and chibwabwa, who are really cute and keep me happy and give me company. chibwabwa means pumpkin leaves in bemba and the kids LOVE that that is his name. rex was named by the man working on my toilet and is actually a really hard word for bemba speakers to pronounce, so she has become lex or blecks a lot of the time.
i've started to work on creating a daily routine of sorts. my house is a two room mud hut with a grass-thatched roof at edge of a village and right by a new school. i usually wake up around 6 and feed the cats, brush my teeth and wake up a bit. then i try to do yoga, find the BBC on my radio (sometimes i try to listen in arabic for old time's sake!), and make myself breakfast. the morning then proceeds on with looking at some bemba, reading about peace corps and my project, looking at some of the workshops and such that people have done and all the books and resources peace corps gave us. i then head into town or to the ministry or to the school near or another school in town which is the zonal head school that i will be working with or other schools around the zone. i spend time doing that until lunch when i come back to my site, play with the cats and kids, sometimes explore my area, the hills, the schools or visit people. then, around 16:00 i bathe and start a fire by 17:00, cook dinner and try to chase the kids away by 18:00 so that i have time to read, write letters, study more bemba, play with the cats and i'm usually in bed and heading to sleep by 20:30 or so.
there have been several other peace corps volunteers who have been around lately so that's been helpful for starting to create a support network. they've all been here for 7 months to two years. on thursday i'll head up to one of the HIV/AIDS volunteer's sites, then next week i'll head out to see a health volunteer's site and visit some clinics with her. maybe the following week i'll work with her and another volunteer on a project that works with women and vulnerable children around craft training. the first three months at our site are really about learning about our community and what is going on here. so at first that seemed daunting, now it seems that there are more opportunities each day and that i have so much to learn before i can offer anything. the schools open again for the second term may 7th and then we have meetings in kasama with all the northern province volunteers from may 16th - 19th... so i think it might be june before i know it.
one of the most difficult things for me is to figure out how to graciously accept my neighbors' kindness and also say no to requests. everyone asks me for things. from water to money to food to biscuits... and i know that i can't feed a village, even as they are so kind to feed me. it's gotten to be a lot less though. i think as people see that i am there to live and to work they have stopped seeing me as someone who can always give give give. but, it makes me think a lot of the development system that we have created, in sub-saharan africa particularly, but in the world as a whole. the development workers, who are usually white, come in brieftly with money and resources to give away and without much local language ability. there are too many people who need too much and thus they all ask because "why not?" maybe they'll be lucky.
peace corps though, fits into this somewhat awkward spot where we are wealthy americans who do have enough money to live and travel on our own and yet what we are offering is our time, our presence, our commitment. we don't have money to build a school, feed a village. so, how does that work exactly? i don't pretend to have any answers right now. but it's definitely an interesting and challenging way to think about what we can do or offer and how to empower people.
i've started to think more and more that development is about teaching people that they have the power to change their own lives. this is difficult because so often they don't. they just don't have that power because they don't have any resources to access. but i think in some ways that's what i'm starting to think of myself as here to do... to lead by example and show how to link up opportunities and network. and there are some teachers at the schools and the ministry and people in my village who already seem so ready to do that. so, we'll see.
some of my other ideas for projects include doing some work in conflict resolution training, working with the clinic to work with young women about decisions around sex and how to talk about condoms (there are SO many young mothers and so many women who i've heard say "this is the last one." and i wonder if it actually will be), working with an orpahage in mpika that has a lot of support in the UK to make friendship bracelets to sell and fundraise in the UK (and maybe america), teach a photography class to kids (is there anyone who thinks they might be able to find cameras to donate to me?!)... and none of this will actually start happening for a while as i still try to use the next couple months to learn learn learn.
on that note, i think i'll close. this is long. but i miss people so much. each day i have moments where i think of specific people and how much i miss you all at home. i'm getting really good at writing letters and i will really write back to anyone who writes. i love the letters and though my western internet speed mind struggles with how to adjust to communication that takes weeks, it's something i'm also starting to love. and, it makes me feel not nearly as far away when i see all your lovely names either in my e-mail inbox or my po box! keep it up. it helps keep me sane!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
t minus 24 hours
oh so much has happened, i feel like this entry might be a little all over the place. i have pics up on snapfish (i think, fingers crossed) and will hopefully send a link out for those soon. i'll try to put up a couple on here and if you don't get a snapfish link and want it, e-mail me! :-)
i'm in lusaka today. we came in thursday and then swore in as volunteers on friday at the peace corps office. i didn't really expect to be very moved by the ceremony, kind of anticipating that it would be silly, but it was more moving that i thought. it was a little silly, but there was something more meaningful than i expected about finally becoming a volunteer. that i'm here! that i'm now part of this bigger community. that i'm not heading off on my own. that i get to create this experience in a way that i want from now on... it's crazy.
then after swearing-in we loaded up all the vehicles saturday morning and people headed out to their provinces. all my stuff and my life was sent up on a vehicle while me and two other people in my group stayed in lusaka for passover. we're going to seder at the synagogue tonight, which should be really interesting. i'm excited. i think it's mostly expats who are involved, but we'll see! we made gefilte fish yesterday with the woman we're staying with which was SO yummy! and had mexican food for dinner and a washing machine for our clothes! pretty wonderful.
i head up to my site tomorrow, bright and early and then get "posted" on wed. that means that i'll do shopping for my house (buckets, jerry cans, a brazier etc) and then they'll drop me off and i get to figure out what's next. it's a little crazy... that in 48 hours i'll prob be alone at my site trying to unpack, hang pictures, put my mosquito net up, figure out how/where to get water, and where all the schools i'm working with are.
the first three months at our sites are called "community entry." that means that we have time to create our lives, figure out how to live and make routines, figure out where we are and where other people live, watch and observe our schools and the teachers we work with, and mostly do needs-assessment and network. i'm excited and feel a lot more ready than i thought i would. i kind of anticipated feeling only terrified about going off my own and that i would have no idea what to do once i got there. and terror is def. involved in the equation, but it's also excitement to finally be going, to finally be figuring out what my community needs, what i have to offer, and what these two years might look like a bit more.
i'm also so excited to start creating my own routines... yoga, cooking, riding my bike, reading, planting a garden. i've already read five books here. i just finished obama's first book, which i loved. i think partly that was because it seemed so relevant to my time here. his writing about community organizing and africa just resonated so strongly. so i'll have time to do all of that, things i haven't had time to do in so long!
the fear is mostly about worrying that i might not really have much to do, that i won't know what to do or that my village will expect different things from me... i think day 3 is what i'm scared about. once things are unpacked and my day is unstructured and i don't know what to do next, will i feel lonely? will i feel like i have nothing to offer? will i feel depressed and confused about development? i don't know, i hope not. or i hope just a little, so that life feels grounded but not overwhelming.
anyway, i feel like i haven't done a very good job and of explaining things in this entry, but maybe that's because things feel so scattered for me. i'm excited that i'm about to settle down for longer than i have since high school! and you're all still welcome to visit!
i'm in lusaka today. we came in thursday and then swore in as volunteers on friday at the peace corps office. i didn't really expect to be very moved by the ceremony, kind of anticipating that it would be silly, but it was more moving that i thought. it was a little silly, but there was something more meaningful than i expected about finally becoming a volunteer. that i'm here! that i'm now part of this bigger community. that i'm not heading off on my own. that i get to create this experience in a way that i want from now on... it's crazy.
then after swearing-in we loaded up all the vehicles saturday morning and people headed out to their provinces. all my stuff and my life was sent up on a vehicle while me and two other people in my group stayed in lusaka for passover. we're going to seder at the synagogue tonight, which should be really interesting. i'm excited. i think it's mostly expats who are involved, but we'll see! we made gefilte fish yesterday with the woman we're staying with which was SO yummy! and had mexican food for dinner and a washing machine for our clothes! pretty wonderful.
i head up to my site tomorrow, bright and early and then get "posted" on wed. that means that i'll do shopping for my house (buckets, jerry cans, a brazier etc) and then they'll drop me off and i get to figure out what's next. it's a little crazy... that in 48 hours i'll prob be alone at my site trying to unpack, hang pictures, put my mosquito net up, figure out how/where to get water, and where all the schools i'm working with are.
the first three months at our sites are called "community entry." that means that we have time to create our lives, figure out how to live and make routines, figure out where we are and where other people live, watch and observe our schools and the teachers we work with, and mostly do needs-assessment and network. i'm excited and feel a lot more ready than i thought i would. i kind of anticipated feeling only terrified about going off my own and that i would have no idea what to do once i got there. and terror is def. involved in the equation, but it's also excitement to finally be going, to finally be figuring out what my community needs, what i have to offer, and what these two years might look like a bit more.
i'm also so excited to start creating my own routines... yoga, cooking, riding my bike, reading, planting a garden. i've already read five books here. i just finished obama's first book, which i loved. i think partly that was because it seemed so relevant to my time here. his writing about community organizing and africa just resonated so strongly. so i'll have time to do all of that, things i haven't had time to do in so long!
the fear is mostly about worrying that i might not really have much to do, that i won't know what to do or that my village will expect different things from me... i think day 3 is what i'm scared about. once things are unpacked and my day is unstructured and i don't know what to do next, will i feel lonely? will i feel like i have nothing to offer? will i feel depressed and confused about development? i don't know, i hope not. or i hope just a little, so that life feels grounded but not overwhelming.
anyway, i feel like i haven't done a very good job and of explaining things in this entry, but maybe that's because things feel so scattered for me. i'm excited that i'm about to settle down for longer than i have since high school! and you're all still welcome to visit!
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