I got two new e-mails today from other people who are leaving for Zambia with me in January and I had a conversation with a teacher of mine from high school about how bizarre it is to prepare for this experience.
On one hand I get these e-mails and introduce myself and think about these people who I will spend the next two years with and who I am SO excited to meet. I can't wait to have faces along with names, and voices along with their words on their blogs and in their e-mails, and hopes and dreams to understand and discuss along with the reasons we tell each other for why we decided to do Peace Corps in Africa. I look at the pictures and the youtube videos of current volunteers and I imagine my village, and the kids who I will get to know, and the travels I will get to do and I can't wait to leave.
On the other hand, I have no idea what my life is going to be like. It's exciting to be embarking on this adventure and yet seems almost impossible to prepare for. Should I take my ipod? Should I bring two pairs of jeans? Should I get my eyes checked before I go? Should I worry about getting an HPV vaccine or will Peace Corps give me that? What's my village going to be like? What language will I study and speak (insh'allah) eventually? What work will I do on a daily basis? No clarity. So, the preparation slows and I turn back to my GRE book and say "I think I'll pack in January..."
On top of all the normal questions, Peace Corps seems to have lost my passport (they say it got lost in the mail). So, I spent the day fighting with their beauracracy to try to figure out how to get a new one. Then I asked them "what immunizations are you going to give me?" and the medical officer (isn't that his job?!) can't answer the question. "Oh, you'll get what you need." Oh thanks! I mean, it's probably true and I should probably just trust them, but don't they have a list? On a computer?
My roomate from Cairo, Emily, when I told her the passport story, said laughing "well, just be happy that didn't happen in Cairo!" To which I probably also laughed. I guess, I should be happy I'm dealing with it here before I leave and have to wait in line at the embassy in Lusaka. It's funny though, I almost feel like I'd have more patience for this in Cairo or Lusaka. I mean, why would I even expect my passport application to be processed there? Here I expect it be processed and I expect the mail to work. Maybe I shouldn't...
In closing, I feel like I'm in this bizarre limbo stage of being super excited to leave and talking to other volunteers and starting to gather my belongings and let my heart do a little pitter patter at the experiences awaiting me, and then on the other hand feeling that the word "preparation" means almost nothing to me. What does it mean to "prepare" for this experience?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
bat mitzvahs
I spent the past weekend in Portland, ME with my family celebrating my cousin's Bat Mitzvah. It was really nice. My dad commented at the end that she already looked older at the end than she did at the beginning. I said that I wasn't sure if that was true, but that I definitely thought she looked older than I had ever seen her on that day. Maybe it was the dress, but probably not...
It's amazing how much weight (emotional, historical, intellectual...) can be put into those moments on the bima. We (my family) were talking about how it is not only this moment of great celebration but also one where the completion of a huge amount of work is publicly recognized. It's kind of an amazing thing to watch. My dad also commented on how he thinks that the 13 year olds up there leading don't necessarily "get" the historical lineage that they are now a part of, which I kind of disagree with. I think they do, I think I did... probably not in a way that I could have been eloquent about in any real way, but in a way that I understood I was now joining a line of people, and one of the first women in my family to do that... So I was both joining and pioneering. Strange.
Anyway, getting to watching her lead and sing was beautiful and getting to watch all the different parts of my family (aunts, uncles, cousins, her parents) do things like open the ark, bless her, say the Torah blessings next to her was really amazing... all of them there to be a part of and recognize and cherish and bless her day. My family really shows up for events and almost everyone was there. Whether it was her parents giving her her tallit or our little cousins opening and closing the ark or the rest of us watching, laughing at jokes and tearing up at different moments, we all got to watch her get a little older and really show us how much she's worked over the last year. She did a really incredible job.
In other news, Zambia has been named by the New York Times as THE luxury vacation destination of 2007. Who knew? A bit ironic that more than half of the country lives on less than $2 a day and that tourists are coming in spending $600 A NIGHT on lodging so that they can watch the hippos play as they lounge in their hot tubs. But, I guess it's a mixed bag because tourism is also obviously doing a lot for the country. So, I guess it's better that Zambia make it into the New York Time travel section than not... any thoughts? Just so you know, if you come visit me, I can't afford a luxury safari lodge, though I'll hopefully be able to tell you where the best places to see animals are! :-)
It's amazing how much weight (emotional, historical, intellectual...) can be put into those moments on the bima. We (my family) were talking about how it is not only this moment of great celebration but also one where the completion of a huge amount of work is publicly recognized. It's kind of an amazing thing to watch. My dad also commented on how he thinks that the 13 year olds up there leading don't necessarily "get" the historical lineage that they are now a part of, which I kind of disagree with. I think they do, I think I did... probably not in a way that I could have been eloquent about in any real way, but in a way that I understood I was now joining a line of people, and one of the first women in my family to do that... So I was both joining and pioneering. Strange.
Anyway, getting to watching her lead and sing was beautiful and getting to watch all the different parts of my family (aunts, uncles, cousins, her parents) do things like open the ark, bless her, say the Torah blessings next to her was really amazing... all of them there to be a part of and recognize and cherish and bless her day. My family really shows up for events and almost everyone was there. Whether it was her parents giving her her tallit or our little cousins opening and closing the ark or the rest of us watching, laughing at jokes and tearing up at different moments, we all got to watch her get a little older and really show us how much she's worked over the last year. She did a really incredible job.
In other news, Zambia has been named by the New York Times as THE luxury vacation destination of 2007. Who knew? A bit ironic that more than half of the country lives on less than $2 a day and that tourists are coming in spending $600 A NIGHT on lodging so that they can watch the hippos play as they lounge in their hot tubs. But, I guess it's a mixed bag because tourism is also obviously doing a lot for the country. So, I guess it's better that Zambia make it into the New York Time travel section than not... any thoughts? Just so you know, if you come visit me, I can't afford a luxury safari lodge, though I'll hopefully be able to tell you where the best places to see animals are! :-)
Monday, December 04, 2006
home
I'm home, which feels both really nice and a bit slow. Emma came home from school the first day I was here and asked what I did: "Well, I slept and then I read a little and met a friend for lunch, and slept some more, and worked out... and read some more, I guess."
Her response: "You're going to be bored soon!"
So yeah, I might get bored soon, but for now at least I'm doing ok. I'm studying for the GRE, trying to work out everyday, reading a bit (right now, The Prince of Marshes about the provisional government in Iraq... interesting if depressing and Istanbul, romantic and beautiful if a bit slow), seeing some friends and Chicago people, and planning a trip east for Christmas/New Year's time for some more goodbyes.
My imminent departure is starting to seem both more real and more normal. I've been e-mailing with two girls who are on the same program as me and it's been comforting to hear similar fears: am I hardcore enough? Will I have to get over my fear of snakes? Will we actually be productive as Peace Corps volunteers? It's also interesting to hear how we all decided on Peace Corps and Africa in particular. A desire to be a place that needs so much, a need for adventure, a push to do work that was meaningful and serving others in some way... I guess that will only become more interesting as I hear about, "meet," and then actually meet all the other people in my group. I'm starting to get excited!
I'm starting to make packing lists... both in reality and in my head. All sorts of things keep popping up: pj pants, hot chocolate mixes, a headlamp, a passport holder (someone somewhere in the Peace Corps state department beauracracy seems to have lost mine! I'm concerned...) and more. I need to try to find a solar panel charger, anyone with experience in this? I'd love suggestions.
In sad news, my Egyptian kitty, Fadoula, was hit by a car last week. It seems a bit ironic that a cat from Egypt would get killed by a car in the states. But maybe it was meant to be or something. Anyway, I miss her a lot and wish she was here cuddling up against my leg. Even more of a reason to find another beautiful little African lion.
Her response: "You're going to be bored soon!"
So yeah, I might get bored soon, but for now at least I'm doing ok. I'm studying for the GRE, trying to work out everyday, reading a bit (right now, The Prince of Marshes about the provisional government in Iraq... interesting if depressing and Istanbul, romantic and beautiful if a bit slow), seeing some friends and Chicago people, and planning a trip east for Christmas/New Year's time for some more goodbyes.
My imminent departure is starting to seem both more real and more normal. I've been e-mailing with two girls who are on the same program as me and it's been comforting to hear similar fears: am I hardcore enough? Will I have to get over my fear of snakes? Will we actually be productive as Peace Corps volunteers? It's also interesting to hear how we all decided on Peace Corps and Africa in particular. A desire to be a place that needs so much, a need for adventure, a push to do work that was meaningful and serving others in some way... I guess that will only become more interesting as I hear about, "meet," and then actually meet all the other people in my group. I'm starting to get excited!
I'm starting to make packing lists... both in reality and in my head. All sorts of things keep popping up: pj pants, hot chocolate mixes, a headlamp, a passport holder (someone somewhere in the Peace Corps state department beauracracy seems to have lost mine! I'm concerned...) and more. I need to try to find a solar panel charger, anyone with experience in this? I'd love suggestions.
In sad news, my Egyptian kitty, Fadoula, was hit by a car last week. It seems a bit ironic that a cat from Egypt would get killed by a car in the states. But maybe it was meant to be or something. Anyway, I miss her a lot and wish she was here cuddling up against my leg. Even more of a reason to find another beautiful little African lion.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
first attempt
So, I'm going to Zambia! It's official. I decided at the end of August to accept my Peace Corps Invitation to Zambia. I will be leaving from Chicago January 21st and from the United States January 23rd (Emma's 18th birthday!), 2007. I come back in March of 2009! I will be working on a project called "Learning in Taonga Marketplace" which is a Zambian Ministry of Education- run radio program. So far, all I know is that the basic idea is to use radios in rural areas so that kids can learn in places where resources are lacking or non-existent...
Most of the time this feels like a great decision. I'm moving to Africa! I'll be working in development (whatever that means), trying to challenge and understand some of those theories that I spent so much time writing about at Brown. The reasons I accepted the invitation include wanting to push my boundaries, wanting to be in a community where I can't rely on fellow Americans and expats, wanting to serve by doing something tangible, wanting to make real relationships with real people in another country, wanting to believe in what I'm doing wholeheartedly, wanting to challenge and put some of my values to the test, wanting to commit to being somewhere longer than I've ever committed to being anywhere... and there are so many more complicated reasons.
People's responses to me telling them that I'm leaving for Peace Corps have been both encouraging and frightening. I've been told by a Texan woman that her prayers will be with me, that I'm doing something wonderful. That makes me a bit tearful and also wonder. How we can all start to incorporate decisions like this into our lives? Do I sit in her mind as a beautiful example but also an excuse to not act? Will her prayers reach me and the people I will be working with? I've been told I'm brave, I've been told that people will come visit, I've been told that I will learn empathy, that Peace Corps volunteers never get anything done, that I should maintain my idealism, that I shouldn't be too idealistic, that I should remember a compass and a knife, that I shouldn't hold romanticized notions of being the first white person... clearly I am something that people have responses to!
All of the different thoughts and reactions I get add to both my anticipation and my anxiety. What will the people be like? What langauge will I learn? Will I raft down the Zambezi? Will I get a kitty? All of those questions also get combined with some (rational?) fear. What if I am unsuccessful? What if I, a white American woman, can't make real relationships with real people? What if I feel directionless or bored? What if I try to grow my own produce and it fails and I'm hungry? What if Fatima's fear of me being attacked by a lion is something I should actually be worried about? (I mean, some are more real fears than others!). At times the decision feels daunting. How can I be about to say goodbye to people? How can I be moving by myself to a country where I didn't even know what language they spoke 3 months ago? I'm leaving DC in less than two weeks and then am off to Providence and Boston for a week and then back to Chicago for a couple months before I leave. There will be some minor jaunts off to other places including upstate New York, Maine, and New York City. Friends keep telling me that this isn't goodbye and that this is just an adventure; so, I hope you all come along, even just vicariously through these posts. And I know the questions are part of the adventure. I'm starting to feel SO excited about getting some answers.
Most of the time this feels like a great decision. I'm moving to Africa! I'll be working in development (whatever that means), trying to challenge and understand some of those theories that I spent so much time writing about at Brown. The reasons I accepted the invitation include wanting to push my boundaries, wanting to be in a community where I can't rely on fellow Americans and expats, wanting to serve by doing something tangible, wanting to make real relationships with real people in another country, wanting to believe in what I'm doing wholeheartedly, wanting to challenge and put some of my values to the test, wanting to commit to being somewhere longer than I've ever committed to being anywhere... and there are so many more complicated reasons.
People's responses to me telling them that I'm leaving for Peace Corps have been both encouraging and frightening. I've been told by a Texan woman that her prayers will be with me, that I'm doing something wonderful. That makes me a bit tearful and also wonder. How we can all start to incorporate decisions like this into our lives? Do I sit in her mind as a beautiful example but also an excuse to not act? Will her prayers reach me and the people I will be working with? I've been told I'm brave, I've been told that people will come visit, I've been told that I will learn empathy, that Peace Corps volunteers never get anything done, that I should maintain my idealism, that I shouldn't be too idealistic, that I should remember a compass and a knife, that I shouldn't hold romanticized notions of being the first white person... clearly I am something that people have responses to!
All of the different thoughts and reactions I get add to both my anticipation and my anxiety. What will the people be like? What langauge will I learn? Will I raft down the Zambezi? Will I get a kitty? All of those questions also get combined with some (rational?) fear. What if I am unsuccessful? What if I, a white American woman, can't make real relationships with real people? What if I feel directionless or bored? What if I try to grow my own produce and it fails and I'm hungry? What if Fatima's fear of me being attacked by a lion is something I should actually be worried about? (I mean, some are more real fears than others!). At times the decision feels daunting. How can I be about to say goodbye to people? How can I be moving by myself to a country where I didn't even know what language they spoke 3 months ago? I'm leaving DC in less than two weeks and then am off to Providence and Boston for a week and then back to Chicago for a couple months before I leave. There will be some minor jaunts off to other places including upstate New York, Maine, and New York City. Friends keep telling me that this isn't goodbye and that this is just an adventure; so, I hope you all come along, even just vicariously through these posts. And I know the questions are part of the adventure. I'm starting to feel SO excited about getting some answers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
