women at the bus

on my way down to lusaka two days ago we stopped at a turn off north. a couple people got off and as soon as we stopped we were, of course, surrounded by women selling all sorts of things: fruit, tomatoes, dried fish, potatoes... one woman came up to my window and as i looked at her i started, unconsciously, to feel sorry. there she was so dependent on these random whims of bus drivers. she worked all day standing in the hot sun or, as the case may be now, the rain with a heavy baby tied to her back. "i should buy something" i thought. then as she counted the change that the man behind me had given her she broke out in this huge, incredibly beautiful smile. he had given her the wrong change and they started joking with each other. i realized i didn't really want any of the fruit she was selling. yes, her life is difficult, yes there is pain in her life that i wouldn't want in mine (and don't want to be in hers!) but, i also so that incredible smile and realized how judgemental i was being... she doesn't need pity.